courage tells me to go forward

♥ 12:02 PM

getting too comfortable is a little scary

♥ 8:24 PM

I had so many things to write and so many things to say but right now it's all stuck inside the little brain and I can't get them out! To describe everything would be crazy but all I can say is God is really an amazing, powerful God. He is soooooooooo able to overturn any situation, overcome any tribulations. I can't stop being amazed, from time to time. ((: 

♥ 1:21 AM

verbalizing thoughts into words is hard enough, verbalizing these words out through oracy is even harder.

I really, really, really need to stand up.





in any case, I found today so much fun :)



it's really fun (:

♥ 1:44 AM

I'm in the midst of doing my reflection assignment when this urge to write here suddenly intruded my head and decided to interrupt my activity. But I just can't help it, if I delay, I would definitely lose the inspiration which I'm already losing bits by bits as I'm typing this explanation down. 
Just so recently, I've discovered that it's so much easier to type words down than to express it vocally. It seems so today during my sharing in FA just now. There are several points that I'd share and I've written them down in the past so fluently but I was unable to convey the message out just now, as far as I thought. I don't know how much of the message I was able to bring across but I somehow felt that I did not hit the target I wanted to. But then again, I got reminded that God's hands play a big part, an even bigger part, than my words. So whatever message that has been expressed is largely dependent on God's grace to bring it across.

And man, that thought was so much of a relief...


But through this, I've gained a new awareness once again. Thank God ^^

♥ 11:48 PM

some things, you do wonder if it's plain coincidence or if it's something God purposely give as a sign.

I talked to my daddy tonight, it was a really random talk. 
I told daddy, I like to be by myself recently.
Daddy asked, why? what are you thinking of?
I said, I've been thinking of what I'm gonna do, read or write sometimes.
Daddy replied, it's still a long way in university, isn't it?
I said, yeah. daddy, when you were young, did you know what you wanna be when you grow up?
Daddy took a while and said, when I was young, no, all I did was study. When I was in SMA( that's junior college in Indo) I started helping out and work at home. 
I asked, so do you know what you wanna do now?
Daddy said, now I have this business and school (:
Are you happy? (: I asked
Daddy said, I still have many dreams. I'm discussing a business with my friends. it's still in the process. gotta pray a lot. 

......



No wonder I felt like time passes too quickly today. I have so many going through my mind, it's mindblowing. I wish time would stand still right now.


I got an answer, but it's not an answer to that yet. I feel, it's still quite some time to go before I actually receive that answer. In fact, I have a lot of cleaning up to do. Yep, all is about cleaning the mess up (: Thank you, young riekas, for messing up. Otherwise, my life would probably not be this rich. Now I have so much thing to do and learn to make up for all that. Through this, God's grace shine brighter than it could have been, isn't it? For once, I could finally thank myself for the mess I created, the phantom of my past.



xoxo,
rieka.

♥ 1:46 AM

a short day in school.
vivo city.
a movie with a friend.
a movie beyond expectation.
a little tiny time to think on train.
rainy day.
a walk under the drizzle.
a  fresh breeze causing the tremble.
a journey I've never ventured.
a short trip to my favorite bookstore
then a stroll outside the big shopping malls.


how do I describe the feeling I get when walking by a dozen of bookshelves in a dimly lit bookstore that's about to close because it was 9.29 and the store closes in 1 minute?



refreshing.

♥ 2:57 PM

The day was over when I said it was a beyond-the-scale rating,

that day I made a decision to be joyful ^^

despite the strange symptom that my hypotension is showing in the morning.

nevertheless,

joyfulness is a choice!

I didn't hit my initial target of 50 strangers to smile at, I got about 40ish. But I talked to a nice elderly lady and somewhat she made my day (:

In addition, the fellowship with fellow FA mates today totally rocked my day. Including the part about getting lost during the journey of walking where my legs brought me to, before the meet-ups.

sometimes, we just don't want to know where we are heading. we just let our legs (or imagination) bring us somewhere we have never been to to end up somewhere we never thought we would be. as I look back, I contemplated upon my mistakes and I want to so much just let my imagination design the life I want to live. I want so, so much, to just have the capability and capacity to go where my imagination allows me to. this brought me back, so much, to the theme that I was given to at the beginning of this new journey I get in life: giving up freedom for freedom, as someone inflicted this thought into my head some 2 months ago. it's a theme that I pretty much fade away from as weeks pass. to link this back to my initial idea... I gotta acquire as much knowledge and skills and principles first (giving up the freedom to time I have right now at this stage of my life) before I have the "raw materials" to freely design my life according to my imagination. and most importantly, I have to inculcate the right values and guidance from God and fellow seniors, before I have the wisdom and ability to freely choose the life I want to lead according to the equipped imagination and creativity I got in my head. all seems to make so much sense right now!


gdnight ^^

♥ 2:03 AM

who got time for feelings, right?

it'd be easier to just kill the feelings and the thoughts away.

♥ 12:29 AM

Battling negative thoughts.



right now, there is a battle inside me. this battle is eating me from inside out.

let's see... it's like 2 opposing entities fighting over this girl named Rieka.
one is the negative thoughts, doing its best to infiltrate and take over Rieka's mind.
and the other one is me, I don't know who I am exactly here but I know I have to take care of her well-being and I am doing my best not to let the negative thoughts cloud her mental state.
these negative thoughts are trying to steal her away from me, they want to control her. they want to make her think that the world is against her, make her feel small and hopeless. they want to brainwash her into self-condemnation and they want to steal her joy. they want her to be pessimistic!

here I am, I want to fight these thoughts away! I am battling these negative thoughts! I am pushing away the thoughts that the world is against her. these negative thoughts are telling her that everything is against her! these negative thoughts are trying to bring her down. here, I'm pulling her back up. she has to keep her joy! I gotta remind her that the joy comes from the Lord and now Lord, I know I can't do this alone and I can only rely on you to pull me through this process.
I must not give up and I know that the Lord is able. My DADDY will pull me through this and He has a reason to make me go through this process. God, help me jump over these little rocks that are blocking my route. and I know that You are for me.


go away, negative thoughts!

♥ 1:17 AM

" Who imagined the sun and gives source to its light,
yet conceals it to bring us the coolness of night"



Today I awoke with this song serenading by my ear. It struck me so suddenly, how great the power of God is in this world. I got reminded of 2 things here that I would like to share.

1. beauty

God created us in such a beautiful, perfect manner. We are HIS works of art. The world, you, me, everyone else...we're exquisitely and exclusively designed by the King Himself. Every single stroke is perfect, planned and precise. If you have personally experienced God in your life, do you remember how He works in such an intrinsic way that has been planned so perfectly? The same God who wittily arranged for such plan is the same God who created the entire universe in 6 days; who made the world soooo beautiful. If you're looking for something beautiful, look no further around you. Beauty is everywhere.

2. His majestic power triumph over everything else/everyone else

This is so true, I can't say much. The King could easily, absolutely control every single aspects of our lives. In Job 37, we see so many great things He could do. In v14 it is written 14" Listen to this, Job; stop and consider God's wonder " God wants him to see how powerful God Himself is! In another version of the bible, I found another way to phrase this verse and it goes: 14"Job, are you listening? Have you noticed all this? Stop in your tracks! Take in God's miracle-wonders!

At times, we do need to stop and take note of HIS wonders and HIS majesty. In our daily lives, so many times we want to give up hoping, give up everything and just let go. Indeed, we should let go, to GOD. Let go of our situations and place it in a greater, more powerful hands. And never let go of our faith in HIM. Perhaps, we could let loose for a moment and think back of the wonder He has made in our lives. Reminisce the past encounters we have with God thus far. Remember, it is a relationship with God and like every other relationships, we keep memories of past experiences that are meaningful to us. I believe all of us who are believers have had at least an experience with God's greatness that etched deeply in our hearts, right? Then again, Job says in v19 "...we cannot draw up our case because of our darkness. " We are still unable to fully fathom what God's character and His will is because we are merely human and our capacity is unable to contain his glorious splendor.


so...let's strive to experience God more and more, to know Him more and more in our lives. Because only through personal experience that we can feel Him in our lives and no other experiences can be as vivid as our personal experiences. 




signed off,
Daddy's little daughter.

♥ 10:28 AM

maybe, 
my concern is time

maybe,
my issue is myself

maybe, 
my concern reached out somewhere,
more than I could imagine

maybe,
my issue has got to do with
moments.



definitely, 
i'll wait for time
hoping,
time will wait for me.

definitely,
the concern isn't you.


in Ecclestiates 3:1
"There is a time for everything"


maybe, all I wanna do is to be still and wait upon Him
before I could..

♥ 11:06 PM