I have a compelling desire to go and spend my whole day in Kino today, after browsing through the array of books on the world's most famous equation online. By the way, it feels weird staying home on a Saturday. It's been the 2nd Saturday that I have no plans at all and time to get use to it! Mom just told me that I should bear staying home for another 2months because after that I will have plenty of time after A's. Little did she know that I've already had my plan :P This made me realize that I don't share my plan with my parents. Hmm, but teenagers don't share their plans with parents, do they? But, isn't integrating my family and bonding them together one of my aspiration in life? How can I do that if I myself don't take the first step to open up to my 'rents and let them know more about me? Haha. Something to thnk about for the rest of the day.


I wanted to write something to fill this space up, but hold back the thought.

so,
that's that.

haha xD

♥ 12:13 PM

THE LORD is my shepherd, I shall not be in want.
He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside quiet waters,
he restores my soul. He guides me in paths of righteousness for his name's sake.
Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me.
You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies. You annoint my head with oil;my cup overflows.
Surely goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life, and I will dwell in the house of the LORD forever.


so I have a story to share about this particular psalm.
This psalm has been my source of strength whenever I'm faced with troubles and discouragement in the form of loneliness. Apparently, being a foreign student you're 'forced' to live on your own and being independent since you were young. I guess this is a virtue of mine that most of my friends would've known. However, sometimes it's inevitable that people feel lonely even in the midst of a big crowd -.- there's a distinct difference between the word alone and lonely. One is the physical state of being on your own. The latter is a feeling of isolation and exclusion. This particular emotion (if you consider loneliness a state of emotion) is escalated if you're in an environment that's highly apathetic and lacking of social awareness. Not saying that everyone in that particular location is of the same kind. Also. if you're far, far away from people who actually do care for you. Anyways, the point is that I feel lonely sometimes and the peak was at the beginning of the year where everything was so busy. When all the orientation and stuffs just took place and although I've made a lot of new friends I was rarely around the people whom I used to hang out with. There was a new shift in the social paradigm and once everything was over ( like after J1 quest ) I was thrown back to the square one. Back to studying and classes and everything normal and... hmm wait well, isn't everything suppose to remain the same, no? Apparently not.
Geez, now I don't feel like elaborating this part at all. Uhh..
._.
Anyway, God made me come across this psalm one night while I was flipping through my bible. The first time I came across this verse was almost right after I came back from my long holiday from Indonesia in January. But it only occurs to me whenever I was haunted by that really uneasy feeling. And till now, most of the time when I feel that I need strength, this psalm reminds me time and again that God's grace and strength is there to help me pull through. No matter what I'm facing, in God, there will be away. Hence, ever since then I wasn't afraid anymore. I used to be really timid when it comes to being around a social place where I have to step outta my comfort zone and struck conversation with people whom I don't know.

Because apparently, I always thought that I'm weird and socially awkward ( well, confession: I still think I'm freaking odd-ish and queer and very very weird and I have a severe case of identity crisis ) Perhaps I am. But this psalm somehow assures me that it's really fine to be weird " for you are with me, your rod and your staff, they comfort me " I always interpret this as that if I made any mistake Daddy God is still there and in His eyes I'm still perfect. :\ well am I? haha. But of course I'm not gonna blindly make mistake and not learn from the grace that was given by God.

Back to the point, yesterday during YRC ko Willy shared about this psalm. I was like WOW! my favorite psalm zomggggg ( HAHA \:D/ ) And he explained the verse in a way that made me realize that there're a lot more to that psalm than just verse4 that I always rely on.

Psalm23:1 THE LORD is my shepherd, I shall not be in want.
hmm, made me realize something. God already provide me with all that I need, there's actually nothing more that I can ask from Him, everything's in His hand. Sometimes we made our own decision, because we think that it's the best for us. Just like me, I have my dream, it is one thing I cannot imagine not achieving. However, my dream has always brought me great distress, idk why -.- perhaps because sometimes I thought that I'm incapable of achieving it, it's out of reach. And sometimes I think that no one supported me for what I want to do. Or the great expectation my parents are asking of me. But yesterday's sermon reminds me that I can leave it all to God because everything has been prepared for me. I can only do my best, and God will do the rest. In fact, what's not achievable in God's hand? It was even in my prophecy last year, that what I dream of doing is what I will be doing. So the main point isssssssss: Trust in God's direction, for He is our shepherd and we're His sheeps. He'll guide us, directionless sheeps, into our place of comfort :D

And for those who need reassurance, read verse6. May God's power be with you! Even though you're alone in this world, remember that you have Abba Father, who will never ever forsake you! And yeah, it's perfectly fine to be alone, I really love being alone too :) you can't depend on other people but you can always depend on God.


Phew, first time ever I shared so much about being with God. I guess, sometimes it's find to let the world peer through the curtain of my window, just a little bit. ^^




BTW, some sort of insanity is slowly eating me up on the inside -.- It's in times like this that showing the aloof side of me would be of excellent use, though might not absolutely eradicate the problem. :O





P.S. Ninnart, here's for you:
:O :O :O :O :O :O :O :O :O :O :O :O :O :O :O :O

♥ 12:08 AM

List of things to do after A's:
1. Learn to drive
2. Read the whole series of Harry Potter
3. Convince my parents to let me go Bangkok to visit Mamaruayyy :D
4. Take up guitar again, after not touching it for months
5. Work
6. Re-watch the whole series of Digimon Adventure
7. Go for a CSI marathon ( yes Ninnart, i'm prepared to get nightmares :p )
8. Play basketball. Hahahahahahahaha
9. Read, read, read, read~
10. Go back Indo.
......And the list goes on, I actually thought about it and have been talking about it to Ninnart almost everyday, but I can't recall some of them at the moment.
What's this? I'm actually looking forward to the end of A's but ironically don't want A's to come. Geez :/
Plus, I am reaaaaaaaally sick and tired of talking about A's everyday. It sucks.
Almost all conversation I have with people will be linked to A's. Every single day, I never fail to hear the letter A's in my life. Every single hour, people in school mention about A's. -.-
I might just get burnt out with listening to people talking about A's. -.-

Speaking of burning out, I think I got a little burnt a few nights ago. I don't remember even feeling stress for O levels. I guess, this time it's a totally different level. In order to survive, drastic measures have to be taken. And by this, I mean doing something out of my comfort zone, expanding my horizon, persevere in a way I've never before. Also perhaps, increasing my confidence level.

♥ 11:22 PM

So now that Ninnart has gone back to Bangkok, my life is pretty much revert back to how it was like before.
)=
I wanna say I'm back to the mundane life I've had but I realized my life hasn't been that mundane at all this year. Ha!
Thanks to God, having me through all these trials and tribulations. So many things to go through, so many things I've learned, so long a journey in front of me He prepared. (:
Even though we've just said goodbye, it will not be long till we meet again.
'It's not the last goodbye' as quoted from someone who told me this today.

Right now, it's time to concentrate on the current things in my life.
Studies. Friends. Family. and most importantly God.
And to get away from distractions that will refrain me from reaching my dream.

^^

♥ 11:11 PM

thnks fr th mmrs

kenapa waktu harus berlalu begitu cepat saat kita sedang menikmati sesuatu.
kenapa orang harus berubah dan ikatan persahabatan bisa renggang.
kenapa sebagai manusia kita harus hidup dengan ingatan dari masa lalu,
bukankah lebih baik bila kita bisa menghapus apa yang terjadi di masa lalu dari ingatan kita, dan hanya melakukan segala sesuatu untuk masa kini dan yang akan datang?

karena semua yang terjadi di masa lalu telah membuat kita siapa kita sekarang.
dan tidak semua hal dari masa lalu itu hal yang pahit dan menyedihkan.
nggak, tidak semua hal dari masa lalu itu menyedihkan kok..
cuma, pada saat kita mengingatnya, mungkin kita jadi kepikiran.
kenapa apa yang kita miliki sekarang, tidak sama lagi seperti dulu?



Praisely and Praisya's back in Indo now ):
I'm starting to miss them already, had so much fun over the long weekends, especially our trip to USS! it's not gonna be elaborated because I'm the kind who thinks that good memories can't merely be described with my words due to my limited vocabulary. Nevertheless, it's really an enjoyable day for us all ^^

And on Wednesday, NINNART finally arrived! Yesh, she arrived while I was doing my maths paper 1, which was kinda screwed. We had a gathering, sort of like a 2A gathering with Mr.Yeo and Mrs.Ng and her husband along (note the word 'sort of' ) :X in j8. Gosh, so much excitement within 1 week. On the way to meet Ninnart was like on my way to meet Praisely last Friday. A little calmer because Hidir was right next to me throughout the whole busride. Lucky thing :)
Chatted over the dinner, had fun. Till pp, praisya and I went to meet Ninie, Leo and c Florence at novena for dessert.

I was thinking, when can we have this again?
When's the next time? kapan lagi..
After this year, more of us would be segragated. We'll keep in contact, I know. But the distance is growing apart from everyone. Sure, technology like internet has transcend space and will keep us connected. But it's always different when we all just sit on a long table, chatting away and laughing happily. Gonna be so different if we all separate even further. When'll be the next time? makes me wonder if technology brings us together or sets us apart truly. haha. ( This feels like a paragraph in GP essay -.- )

When you're going through life, you meet lots of different people. They come and go, but there'll be some who'll stay. Those who stayed, are the ones I will keep for the rest of my life. Those people, they showed me what true friends are in the midst of people who destroyed my confidence of the existance of true friendship. Those people, they're my true friends.


with love,
rk.

♥ 1:36 AM

I really like reading your blog, inspirational blogger no.1.

(:



HAHAHAHA.



Okay, before physics paper, I was looking forward to 4 things to the end of the week.
1. End of my SA2 ( I am prepared to fail all of my subjects. Hmm, wait. Am I really prepared? )
2. Praisely's coming to Singapore! ( alright, mainly th blog post will be about this )
3. Ninnart's coming this wednesday!
4. hmm :)

So..a large part of th weekend was spent with Praisely and Praisya :D And we're going to USS tmr morning. woohoo! Finally! I'm going to universal studiossssssssssss (Y) so let me share from th start how life has been since PP is back.


After exams and a short outing with s28 peeps where we watched transformers and lunchie, I headed to airport to meet them. Praisely, mr.lee and mrs.Annabel LEE. :) On my way towards airport, I was really excited. It's the kinda butterfly I get when I met up with Ninnart last year. Soooooo unlike Maruay's coming, because his spirits are always hanging around trellis, finding food. So anyways, met them at Mcd in T2 and PP showed us a number of photos and shared his stories there. We hanged around airport and look for Lianyi's birthday present till Praisya arrived at like, 7ish? And we dine and it was fun.


In fact, it's not just pp that I havent met in a long time. The last time I saw Annabel, Benedict and Chingleong was ages ago too. Nostalgic much!


Anyways, Saturday we went to Lianyi's place for her birthday party+housewarming. Gotta leave early though, because I had usher duty in church. I was late. However, I really enjoyed this Saturday's YRC service very much. The worker's prayer before service started cleared my mind and I felt that a huge burden has been lifted off my shoulder. The rock in my heart a few days ago seems to be taken away. I experienced a sense of blithe and peace that I havent felt in a long time. The songs sang during praise and worship..

They really spoke of what my heart felt at that time.
" My comfort, my shelter
Tower of refuge and strength "
Never have I done a pelayanan with such a joyful feeling inside me, it's so awesome! God's so awesome!

The message brought across by the sermon too, too great to describe. I can't put into words what insight the sermon gave me when I tried to describe it to Ninie later that night. But it's really applicable to what I've been facing these few days. Glory to the Lord (y)


Later that night I met up with Ninie, Leo, Praisely and Praisya again at trellis. First time the 4 of us finally gathered together!
It's strange, the world is really small. I'm a good friend with my secondary school good friend's ex-housemate and I happened to know his roommate as well. It's a small world after all! After talking about each other to only either side of th party, we finally got to meet and talk as a group. It's interesting :) We even pranked Leo HAHA. Running around Trellis's staircase at midnight isn't something you do everyday!

It's fun, I felt like a child once again. This is the kind of thing we did in secondary school (: And secondary school memories are irreplaceable.


And today, met up with Praisely and the rest of the secondary school peeps again! :) photos photos+ polaroids. :D Hopefully PP will upload them, Lynn too. Hees. And as we walked around in J8, someone's name kept on being mentioned. All of us know that j8 is different without him. And if he reads this, hi Maruay! ^^ We miss you very much, and when we didn't have anywhere to go after dinner just now, we wanted to crash your house and say 'hi' to auntie. ):


Reminiscing the memories I had with them..it was really good. (:

I'm craving for the moments we had in Secondary school. I can't believe I used to want to get out of Secondary school so badly last time. Oh well, what's in the past can't be turned back. Finally, I've learned how to treasure the present before they turn into my past. This weekend is turning out to be one of the best weekends I had since very long ago. Sure, I'm missing out study time. However, nothing beats a cupful of tea made of this ingredients called friendship. I'm gonna cherish this time, before they run out

over and out (:

♥ 11:46 PM