Strange

As I've written before here, the word mundane is never the word to describe my life this year. Events, people, work. Pretty hectic.

Yet today, the day feels unsually calm and subdued.

I kinda like this feeling, not much of emotional turmoil too, unlike yesterday.


'nuff blows to keep me fired; keep my rocket going.


I hope you will too ^^

♥ 5:58 PM

This is what I told myself when I got back some of my results



" suck it up, and move forward "



Sure, not very satisfying so far, but no point dwelling in the past or feeling inferior over the results of those who did better than you.
You yourself are aware of the amount of effort you put in, in comparison to those people, so no complain should be made.
It's the last lap now, focus is everything I need.



To PP, thanks for th breakfast this morning..Take care in Seattle and don't forget us ^^

So I met up with a couple of those peeps this morning and managed to discover another opportunity I could take on in the future. Medecins Sans Frontieres. Similar to something I want to do, so I'm just reading a bit and will just hang that on the list for now :)



On my way back, some random thoughts infiltrated my mind, as usual.

I happened to think about how too much of something, something you enjoy, might be bad. There are many ways we can define 'bad' . For instance, desensitization. And this is a pretty much common aspect that we experience in this modern, fast-paced world. Since everything is so easily obtained, it's not much of an effort to sustain the desire for that something anymore and people start taking it for granted. Haha. I figured, it all can be summed up in 3 steps.

First step is the Encounter. This is the meeting point where subject 1 meets subject 2. Where subject 1 is a person/animal/any random beings and subject 2 is another person/animal/object/random beings.

Second step is the Obsession. After the encounter, subject 1 started developing an obsession over subject 2. Obsession happens when subject 1 is constantly haunted by a desire and fixation for subject 2. There can be many reasons for a fixation to occur, but in this case I'm really just referring to an uncanny desire and liking for something. One simple example to illustrate this is sugar-craving. You get that strong urge for sweet treats despite being a sugar tooth or now. That happens now and then, doesn't it? So this obsession usually compells subject 1 to want to experience multiple engagements with subject 2. This prolonged engagements are what lead us to step 3, Desensitization.


Desensitization. And hey, in general term, desensitization might not necessary be a bad thing. Multiple interactions with a phobia leads to desensitization that will inevitably reduce the fear and anxiety towards that certain phobia one had. But again, my context here is desensitization that occurs when subject 1's constant interaction with subject 2 eventually reduces the initial excitement in step 1. This is the whole point of my thought process. When too much on an engagement is something that you really like will make you take that for granted and reduces its meaning for you. So this is just another one of my random, pointless thoughts, and it does not necessarily be true for all situation. I mean, sometimes even when P1 is true and Pk is true, does not mean that Pk+1 is true. HAHA!

^^

♥ 11:33 AM

feels like 9th of august. self-inflicted pain are the worst kind of pain.
one day, you're just gonna self-destruct and die.
^^

♥ 6:48 PM

One day, you're just gonna self-destruct and die.

♥ 9:55 AM

This is it, I'm back to this period of the year, 2 years ago.
I'm back to acquire those unearthly hours staying up that swerve my life to the way it's been right now.
And I'm back to finding things I wouldn't want to know.

Life's so good, so awesome ^^


Oh by the way,
something is really wrong with me when I say that the best paper for prelim, so far, is maths paper, my worst subject in JC.
Just shows much I've deteriorated in my other subjects, so much that they've stooped and reached the same level as maths.

Oh well..
Just when I thought that when you start a day good, it'll end good. Sure, it does end good literally, but I always felt like my day doesn't end till I go to bed.
And this time, the ending doesn't seem that good. I just gotta do something to change the whole atmosphere right now. Maybe to somewhen approximately 5hours ago. SIGH. Nonsensical side is showing up, hope it's gonna get over in a few minutes.

toodles!

♥ 1:59 AM

Trying to sleep just doesn't help.

Anyway, I want to share 1 thing that I learned this year.
Not to care too much ^^

nvm, all of a sudden my brain cease thinking and all my train of thoughts have sublimed into the atmosphere.
But nevertheless, I'm applying and sharpening this that I've learned. In the right context, of course.
It's not always wise to care too much. And this time, I really don't give a damn.

♥ 1:35 AM

When crest meet through, they cancel each other out, leaving nothing behind.


Or maybe in this case, totally different wavelength, not in phase, at all -.-



What's more to say, I've been explicitly expressing my sentiments (or rather a lack of it). Yet there're people who just don't catch it. It's pretty obvious, especially when it's not just once or twice, but many times. Even direct approach th other time wasn't successful. What more can I do?


When equilibrium is what I wish to achieve. Because despite the burden and annoyance given, the other side of me still reminded me not to be too conceited about what I have. That despite having something wonderful, it is wrong to condemn.





Anyway, someone's gonna call me a bitch for saying this.
We're so of different league, wavelength, zone etc etc whatever you call that. I can't communicate with you, so what's the point? Just give up and go elsewhere, this place is not for you.

And it's taken.

♥ 11:33 AM

Hey.
It is true what someone said.

"While some things change for the better, some others get downgraded as the lesser beings. "

I got the epiphany this morning, when I thought back and look at the bigger picture. Everything changes.

&While someone's existance meant more to you, the existance of others, those who've always been putting you down, mean nothing anymore.


1.5hours more to prelim. Haha. But somehow I'm not afraid. Gonna let God take the lead this time, and not be afraid.

♥ 6:27 AM

On a second thought, nothing has changed except for your opinion of me.
Everything else is the same.




No, not gonna bring myself down anymore haha.

♥ 10:03 AM

So now you know,

breathing doesn't mean that one is alive;
smiling doesn't mean that one is happy;
being perfect is a facade.



but life goes on, and life is more than just a stone in the pathway.
Life is about kicking that stone away, gaining the skill to destroy bigger, tougher stones.


Rieka is a strong girl, stronger than you think she is.
Rieka's gonna brace herself, stand up and move forward.

"I made a mistake, ask for forgiveness and keep on going forward. Even if I fall, I fall forward" ~Pastor Bill Wilson

♥ 9:43 PM

I can’t stand to fly
I’m not that naive
I’m just out to find
The better part of me

I’m more than a bird...i’m more than a plane
More than some pretty face beside a train
It’s not easy to be me

Wish that I could cry
Fall upon my knees
Find a way to lie
About a home I’ll never see

It may sound absurd...but don’t be naive
Even heroes have the right to bleed
I may be disturbed...but won’t you concede
Even heroes have the right to dream
It’s not easy to be me

Up, up and away...away from me
It’s all right...you can all sleep sound tonight
I’m not crazy...or anything...

I can’t stand to fly
I’m not that naive
Men weren’t meant to ride
With clouds between their knees

I’m only a man in a silly red sheet
Digging for kryptonite on this one way street
Only a man in a funny red sheet
Looking for special things inside of me
Inside of me
Inside me
Yeah, inside me
Inside of me

I’m only a man
In a funny red sheet
I’m only a man
Looking for a dream

I’m only a man
In a funny red sheet
And it’s not easy, hmmm, hmmm, hmmm...

Its not easy to be me

♥ 1:57 AM

You know what you do when you are having severe moodswing?
Subway raspberry cheesecake cookies :D
Desperate situations call for extreme measures.

WOOOHOOO!

Over-elated again due to the fact that I remembered my subway cookies from dinner was still in my bag. Took a bite and felt the immediate effect of sugar rush. Blood filled with endorphin right now, don't even wanna sleep anymore tonight, so excited that I gotta blog about this right away before I lose the mood and sit on my swing anymore. Yeap, I was sitting on a swing. Don't push me, I'll fall. Hmmmmmm took another bite, so awesome! I can feel the sweet sensation in my tongue, like a child who just took her first bite of cotton candy. Yummy! This feels like the time mommy bought my first cotton candy in Primary1. Yes, I'd only get to taste cotton candy while I was in primary1. haha :D But nevertheless it was such a sweet, memorable experience. I remember savouring the taste slowly in my mouth, reluctant to quickly finish up the big, huge pink cotton candy I had. In the end, I took the whole afternoon eating that just 1 packet of cotton candy. Haha. Sweet stuffs (Y)
I have sweet tooth by the way (:



Thank you for the company, and not pushing my off my swing. Although frankly speaking, I've only felt better about th last 10minutes we spent. Haha.

toodles!

♥ 2:00 AM

Yes, it is that queer feeling once again.
Nope, not that I'm hating it or anything.
Wait, maybe I do. Or maybe I don't.

After weeks of feeling pragmatic and cynical about life and all, something happened that caused me to turn back to that old self. The unstable being, unsure of herself, angsty at one point and over-elated the next moment. It's these moments that the carefully arranged boxes begin to topple and mess up on its own. Like a tower collapsing upon a gentle push. -.-

Nah, no idea what I'm bloggin' about, once again. It's just random thoughts entering and leaving my mind like a dark, lonely pathway. What's worse, I can't seems to put the right words into expressing how I truly felt, making this post seemingly so meaningless as it's unable to convey the message and emotion I'm trying to convey. Blame my poor command in the English Language. Geez, I wish I'm shakespeare.

wait a moment, on a second thought, that might not be the only reason why my posts never truly convey my thoughts. Haha. I almost totally forgot that I practise censorship ^^

k, I'm actually regaining back my sanity. Back to earth Rieka! I'm not floating anymore. Ay. I almost totally thought that I've flown high enough to escape the earth's atmosphere, apparently I'm still held back by earth's gravity. It's one of those feelings you get when you're sitting on a roller coaster and it went upside down with high acceleration and all of a sudden the roller coaster came to a halt. Just imagine. And you're still upside down actually. For now, you just gotta decide if you're to remain upside down, or to take the risk and free yourself from the roller coaster seat, and jump back to the ground. And I haven't decided.


toodles!

♥ 12:08 AM

Ants crawling on your skin feels really, really itchy and it stings somehow.

:D

♥ 3:55 PM

itching to touch guitar.
A levels please end soon.


G
I still remember the look on your face,
Em
Lit through the darkness at 1:58,
Cadd9
The words that you whispered for just us to know.
D
You told me you loved me so why did you go
G
Away?

Em
Away.

Cadd9 D

G
I do recall now the smell of the rain,
Em
Fresh on the pavement. I ran off the plane.
Cadd9
That July 9th, the beat of your heart.
D
It jumps through your shirt. I can still feel your arms.

Cadd9
But now I'll go sit on the floor,
G
Wearing your clothes.
Cadd9
All that I know is I don't know.
D
How to be something you miss.

G
I never thought we'd have a last kiss.
Em
Never imagined we'd end like this.
Cadd9 D
Your name forever the name on my lips.

G
I do remember the swing in your step.
Em
The life of the party, you're showing off again.
Cadd9
And I roll my eyes and then you pull me in.
D
I'm not much for dancin', but for you I did.
G
Because I love your handshake, meetin' my father.
Em
I love how you walk with your hands in your pockets.
Cadd9
How you kissed me when I was in the middle of sayin' something.
D
There's not a day I don't miss those rude interruptions.

Cadd9
And I'll go sit on the floor,
G
Wearing your clothes.
Cadd9
All that I know is I don't know
D
How to be something you miss.

G
I never thought we'd have a last kiss.
Em
Never imagined we'd end like this.
Cadd9 D
Your name forever the name on my lips.

Cadd9 D
Oo-oo-ooh.

G Em Cadd9
So I'll watch your life in pictures
D G
Like I used to watch you sleep
Em Cadd9
And I'll feel you forget me
D G
Like I used to feel you breathe
Em
And I'll keep up with our old friends
Cadd9
Just to ask them how you are.
D
Hope it's nice where you are.

Cadd9
And I hope the sun shines and it's a beautiful day
G
And something reminds you, you wish you had stayed.
Cadd9
You can plan for a change in the weather and time,
D
but I never planned on you changing your mind.

Cadd9
So I'll go sit on the floor,
G
Wearing your clothes.
Cadd9
All that I know is I don't know
D
How to be something you miss.

G
I never thought we'd have a last kiss.
Em
Never imagined we'd end like this.
Cadd9 D
Your name forever the name on my lips.
G
Just like our last kiss.
Em7
Forever the name on my lips.
Cadd9 x2
Forever the name on my lips.
G
Just like our last.

♥ 6:10 PM

"when I go to bed, the last person I see is you
when I woke up, the first person I see is also you"




actually, I forgot what I wanted to blog about.
nvm ^^
bye bye.

♥ 10:03 AM