masquerade

it's the sole choice.
too much had been built up
there's no more returning.
tear it down you may,
just to see bloodshed.
the certainty and urgency
calls for an answer.


I need another story,something to get off my chest.
&my life gets kinda boring.


I can listen to a piano cover for secrets 10000000000000x now.
._.



yeah, im that lucky girl.
but am i really lucky?

♥ 5:35 PM

I had an uber therapeutic dream 2 nights ago.
I was at this place...
Made of wooden logs with many compartments,
Built above the sea.
The sky was azure blue with a hint of grey.
Cool, misty air embraces me.
& I was weeping.
I was looking down the sea, thinking about stuffs and crying.
Then I glance around and saw that in every compartments, there's somebody crying as well.
It scared me a little, but I ignored the fear and continue sheeding tears.
And I forgot what happens after that...

But what struck me the most was the ambience, the setting, the scenery.
Where's that place? I pondered the whole day about it.
I want to go there. I want to see what it has in store for me if I really found it.
I want to experience that feeling again.

Hmm..would anyone take me there and listen to the serenade?

♥ 10:38 PM

yo! blogging with my new laptop now (:
Pink! :D
just got it today with koko robby. ^^

getting dizzy right now,
face turning red as if im blushing.
o.o
gonna get another hangover tmr!

BTW this is shiok, i slept at 11+ last night, woke up at 9.30 to reply some msgs, and went back to sleep all the way till 11.
I'm so proud of myself, I actually sleep 3 times longer than my normal sleeping time.
woohoo!
good mood today, god knows why. (:
lalalalala

byebye!

♥ 1:15 AM

terrible you! couldn't be trusted at all!
it's okay, it's a lesson learned, will be applied to new TARGET context.
Got it?



I want a photoshoot :\
seriously.
I want to try out that hairstyle. If I got the time ltr. (:
I want to skip school tomorrow tho, I have a bad problem right now.
I'm as red as the shirt I'm wearing.
God knows why. :X


Final draft of EoM completed. But it still sucks.

'cos you know, if you need me, I'll be there.
regardless where you are, and when.


My 4 months long of effort can't be futile. I'd escaped from orbits that kept me revolving in circles that entire month. I'll be able to freely float without any field of attraction acting on me, causing me to fall into that limbo once again. I'll go far away to another planet and settle. Far from you, far from everything else.


Hi!

♥ 1:35 AM

In the midst of doing EoM~

Today is a winding road, that's taking me to places that I didn't want to go.

What if these 4 months of struggles resulted in nothing?
It's the first time in a long time. Why do I have to mention about it again?
don't look back, just go. let go. move.


I didn't know I'm being stalked by some girl. :O
you gotta learn who you gotta trust.!

♥ 11:12 PM

feel like photoshoot-ing
:\


Yeah, I've been doing everything on purpose. Even staying all the way at this time is on purpose. Just for fun. (:So sick and tired of school.
sick and tired of school.




If you get wet, you'll get sick. **pon and zi**

Promos in 40days! Ganbatteneh everybody! =)

♥ 12:43 AM

It's almost 1!

& I just feel like blogging because I finished WR2 and PPT slides already. (: elated! Not so good at this time of the day. Haha.


I feel like doing more work and only work. I have no idea why. I think it's nice immersing yourself in piles of work. Not studying, but doing tasks. :\

School's been a bitch.


):

♥ 12:59 AM

very jaded of life and school.
It's the same cycle over and over again.
Never felt so tired before.
):

Pastor Diana gave me a prophecy. She was amazing. God is amazing. I was taken aback by what she said. In one second, I couldn't believe what I was hearing. But I know I can trust God. Like nobody else.


~

♥ 12:35 PM

'coz you are the sun in my universe,
considered the best when we've felt the worst.


Suppose to be at usher meeting right now yet I have this inevitable compulsion to come home and do some tasks. Like why the maclaurin's series tutorial is on my study table right now and PW resources right beside me. But I don't have much time. What can I do?


Ice, ice, ice.
When can I stop hurting....


other people?

♥ 2:58 PM

Took bus 59, fell asleep on the bus, and missed my stop by 2 stops! HAHAHAHA! T-T
So I gotta walk back all the way back and when I finally reach the stop that I'm suppose to get down at, another 59 came. (y) N1 rieka! missed stops again! (y) (y)

Anyway, today was supposed to be a totally sucky day. Yet, somehow something keeps me in a good mood for the whole day. Ahhh. I sound super shallow. But yes, I'm happy. So easily happy. =.= So shallow. HAHA!

Life's so boring there's nothing much to blog about.
):
maybe there is, it's just.
it's not worth blogging.
hah

♥ 8:33 PM

Im kinda, happy. ^^
a while ago.

♥ 1:17 AM

's awesome.


How can you like me,
when I'm ugly.
Give me a second go.





Let's not be angst-y and temperamental and unstable.
But be happy and hyper and blithe.

:\
so fake.

♥ 9:20 PM

You look approximately 100000000000000000000x better when you smile.
(:

♥ 12:49 AM

Dear Father,
I thank you father for the wonderful weekend you gave me with my friends. Thank you father that you allow joy to enter my heart in replace of the grief and melancholy that I had experienced for the past few days. Thank you father for the glimmer of light you have shone that gives me hope. Through you, nothing is impossible.




NINNART! =D has made me smile for these two days. I'm so happy!
So after tuition on Saturday I went for ushers meeting at ohgs for approx 1 hour+ . I was early! :P
And after the meeting...^^ I walked excitedly to Orchard MRT to meet Ninnart! OMG!
On the way, I can't help feeling really excited.
And we kinda screamed and hugged the moment we see each other! Hehe =P
It's been so long, bestie! ):
Then we sat on staircase and waited for Hidir. O.O Something epic happened after that. While we were walking towards starbucks to meet Annabel Lee. ^^ But she has to go tuition so it's left with the 3 of us again, when an epic experience suddenly happen to us. xD It's a long long story and I'm lazy to type. But totally an insightful experience and story by " Annabel's Dad "
HAHAHA! We 4 went BK for dinner at OC. Then we went to 1st floor to this art display and sat there to take pictures! =D
loves x 100000000000000000000000000.
It kinda feels like 2007 all over again.!
Sunday- Met up with Ninnart, Annabel, Welly, Ccl and Benedict opposite mayflower for the food! Surprisingly, Ninnart and I were the earliest. Im late, but still earlier than any of them! =P And we 2 use to be late all the time in the past. Ahh, things changed ! XD
After lunch it was AMK hub and neoprints! Annabel better scan it soon. Then, Ninnart and I took MRT home.
I miss you already Bestf (: Its like, so nostalgic. I can't really find words to describe it. But I'm really happy these 2 days. Hope to see you soon! Bali =D

things have turned for the better. (:

♥ 6:26 PM

Today will be another happy day^^

♥ 10:44 AM

Dear God,
I pray to you father, that you will just let me forget what I'm facing, for today. Just for today. Just remove that fragment in my memory for 24hours. Just so I can be okay without pretending. Just like how I was yesterday. Strengthen me through this, and teach me how to piece everything up. Father I pray to you that you will enter their lives. I pray to you for this brother of mine who has been bothered by some things in his life. I pray that you enter her life in a way that none of us can do. Because it is only through your grace that she can see your glory and greatness. Thank you father that you allow me to meet someone like him in time like this. Father strengthen him so that he will not be scared and will not be worried. I believe that you have a good plan for his life and that he will grow more within your glory. That through him too, that she can see your greatness and power and mercy. Let him be the connector between you and her, father and that he will be strong enough to face everything with faith.
In Jesus name, amen.

♥ 10:13 AM

found that passion back, somehow. (:

Today is a vaguely interesting day. Oh no, I think it is a pretty interesting day.
For the past few days, as some people know, have been hell for me. And today something happens that elevated my mood. It's like, on the scale of 0-10 with 10 being the highest. My mood have been like 2-3 these few days. And then this morning, it goes down to 0. And right after it stays 0 for about 10 minutes, I think somehow God fills me in with all his love that my mood shoot right up to 10. ZOMG! And after I played basketball I think it shoot up to 100. This crazy epic feeling inside of me. Hah.

And I found the passion for basketball back. I want to play. I.Want.To.Play.
It's my only other stress reliever right now. :)


I wish I could do something about it. ):
It's really, really....

♥ 10:57 PM

Dear Heavenly Father,
I'm willing to give up everything else in my life. Just don't take that away from me. I'm will to give up all my rights to everything. My wishes, dreams, everything. I can let them go. Just let me have that 1 thing, eternally.

♥ 10:49 PM

Dear God,
I want a picture perfect life. Am I asking too much...?

♥ 1:02 AM

^^

Too many things happening recently! And no, they're not all good stuffs! But let's talk about the good/happy-making ones first.
Like, our class actually make it for the songfest today, and we performed on stage! Ha! But the thing is we weren't really prepared. ._. So it was kinda, plain I guess? As compared to the other classes. But eh, I think it's not bad. I'll just think that it's not bad no matter what others thing. ^^ And ooooh I was so busy the whole time, running here and there bcause Mrs.Yap asked me to replace an usher who's absent today. And so I ushered 3 classes for the songfest. :O

We had class photo taking today too! ^^ Not in the best mood for photo taking, but doesn't care much! Oooooh I told Hidir about a nice scene I saw. XD And he didn't hear anything! I didn't say anything either!

After which I went for lunch and movies with some of the classmates + Xuefang.

There are things that I shouldn't bother too much about. It's not even significant, except it may decide our PW grade. Hah. But I won't let it!

Why bother. ^^

Then after the movie everyone else left except my "sister" and "brother" ! HAHA! We planned to play pool at tampines safra, but you know what? It's close man! huh!!!!! Wasted trip. ==" So Chiayin decided to cab to ehub. But you know what? Ehub forbids half U! And since they 2 were wearing sch pants so... =="

We went to pasir ris beach instead. I see a lot of stars (: Talk about a lot of things. It made me think of what someone just told me 2days ago.

When I leave this college, I won't remember everything. But there are some people that I will remember. The person who told me this, will be one of the person whom I will remember.

So my 'brother' and 'sister' told me not to care about a certain someone. Everyone think that someone is weird. Haha! (y) So I shouldn't be bothered.


God doesn't allow the problem to come to me for no reason. He wants me to see that amidst all these, I've got to learn to see who are the people who really cares. Thank you.

♥ 1:27 AM

I have a new roomiex! :D
Cyntia Valiana, who happens to be Cynthia Anthony Suhamdi's primary school classmate! :P plus, same name! haha!
The world is so small! ^^
And I was afraid that it'll be hard to get to know her at first, but so far, not bad. She's nice to get along with and we even share a few similarities I noticed. :P

I know I haven't blogged often anymore. And my blog posts are scarce and content-less. boring. ): I don't like it either when I read my own blog. It's so mundane! ==" Yet I don't have much time to do proper blog posts anymore. Busy much. ._.

Gotta send Jon an article now for printing. haha! My new printing machine! :P KIDDING! ^^
lalala~

Common tests around the corner. Ganbatte everyone! (:

♥ 8:02 PM

Gosh, I just looked at the date and realized it's August already.

I can never comprehend it, truly. The way time works.
As usual, it's probably due to my procrastination.
It's past 2 am in the morning when I should be sleeping. But I'm happily procrastinating away.
And minutes ago I've just made the decision to skip morning service again tomorrow morning. I'll be completely honest about why. I have GP compre, Econs essay to complete and Maths test to study for. I've yet packed the side of my room that has to be given away to my new roommate who's moving in tomorrow. The product of procrastination. =.=


end here.

♥ 2:26 AM

Eventful day. Not really, maybe.

Yesterday was the first time I was assigned to do photography duty in this school. (: It was a last minute calling by Robin approx an hour before the start of the event. I happen to be doing pw with Jonathan, Jeremy and Xuefang. ^^ excited much. I've never really been assigned to take photos for any event before, unless you count the learning journey we had to URA last year. So it wasn't too bad, 'cept for the fact that I'm actually taking photos for interact club event. :X
I felt a bit like a criminal when I went there as you know, I switched to infocomn from interact. So it was kinda awkward seeing those people. Although till now I have yet regretted. which I guess is a good thing. Well, I don't do things and regret them. Life isn't suppose to be filled with regrets.

And today I went to Hutomo's church KKR. It was awesome!
I experienced the renewal that I thirst for. I've heard this before in one of the sharing during FA. That as a new christian when you just begin to know Lord, you will be so passionate and thirsty for His love. However, after that season, the passion just dissipated and you will feel very jaded with your life. You need that renewal. That kick. That something that's gonna fill the emptiness.

Indeed, the past few days have been very dry, very despondently filled with facade. Like a glass left empty once all the water have evaporated.


Energized to make a change. (:


After so long, I finally go back to Orchard Central. Nope, it didn't get back to me much. But more than I had anticipated. Like I've said. Something that had existed will never completely be erased. Not matter what, it will remain. Etched in the memory, in its sweetest form. Sebagai kenangan yang terindah.

♥ 1:45 AM