THE LORD is my shepherd, I shall not be in want.He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside quiet waters,he restores my soul. He guides me in paths of righteousness for his name's sake.Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me.You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies. You annoint my head with oil;my cup overflows.Surely goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life, and I will dwell in the house of the LORD forever.so I have a story to share about this particular psalm.
This psalm has been my source of strength whenever I'm faced with troubles and discouragement in the form of loneliness. Apparently, being a foreign student you're 'forced' to live on your own and being independent since you were young. I guess this is a virtue of mine that most of my friends would've known. However, sometimes it's inevitable that people feel lonely even in the midst of a big crowd -.- there's a distinct difference between the word alone and lonely. One is the physical state of being on your own. The latter is a feeling of isolation and exclusion. This particular emotion (if you consider loneliness a state of emotion) is escalated if you're in an environment that's highly apathetic and lacking of social awareness. Not saying that everyone in that particular location is of the same kind. Also. if you're far, far away from people who actually do care for you. Anyways, the point is that I feel lonely sometimes and the peak was at the beginning of the year where everything was so busy. When all the orientation and stuffs just took place and although I've made a lot of new friends I was rarely around the people whom I used to hang out with. There was a new shift in the social paradigm and once everything was over ( like after J1 quest ) I was thrown back to the square one. Back to studying and classes and everything normal and... hmm wait well, isn't everything suppose to remain the same, no? Apparently not.
Geez, now I don't feel like elaborating this part at all. Uhh..
._.
Anyway, God made me come across this psalm one night while I was flipping through my bible. The first time I came across this verse was almost right after I came back from my long holiday from Indonesia in January. But it only occurs to me whenever I was haunted by that really uneasy feeling. And till now, most of the time when I feel that I need strength, this psalm reminds me time and again that God's grace and strength is there to help me pull through. No matter what I'm facing, in God, there will be away. Hence, ever since then I wasn't afraid anymore. I used to be really timid when it comes to being around a social place where I have to step outta my comfort zone and struck conversation with people whom I don't know.
Because apparently, I always thought that I'm weird and socially awkward ( well, confession: I still think I'm freaking odd-ish and queer and very very weird and I have a severe case of identity crisis ) Perhaps I am. But this psalm somehow assures me that it's really fine to be weird " for you are with me, your rod and your staff, they comfort me " I always interpret this as that if I made any mistake Daddy God is still there and in His eyes I'm still perfect. :\ well am I? haha. But of course I'm not gonna blindly make mistake and not learn from the grace that was given by God.
Back to the point, yesterday during YRC ko Willy shared about this psalm. I was like WOW! my favorite psalm zomggggg ( HAHA \:D/ ) And he explained the verse in a way that made me realize that there're a lot more to that psalm than just verse4 that I always rely on.
Psalm23:1 THE LORD is my shepherd, I shall not be in want.
hmm, made me realize something. God already provide me with all that I need, there's actually nothing more that I can ask from Him, everything's in His hand. Sometimes we made our own decision, because we think that it's the best for us. Just like me, I have my dream, it is one thing I cannot imagine not achieving. However, my dream has always brought me great distress, idk why -.- perhaps because sometimes I thought that I'm incapable of achieving it, it's out of reach. And sometimes I think that no one supported me for what I want to do. Or the great expectation my parents are asking of me. But yesterday's sermon reminds me that I can leave it all to God because everything has been prepared for me. I can only do my best, and God will do the rest. In fact, what's not achievable in God's hand? It was even in my prophecy last year, that what I dream of doing is what I will be doing. So the main point isssssssss: Trust in God's direction, for He is our shepherd and we're His sheeps. He'll guide us, directionless sheeps, into our place of comfort :D
And for those who need reassurance, read verse6. May God's power be with you! Even though you're alone in this world, remember that you have Abba Father, who will never ever forsake you! And yeah, it's perfectly fine to be alone, I really love being alone too :) you can't depend on other people but you can always depend on God.
Phew, first time ever I shared so much about being with God. I guess, sometimes it's find to let the world peer through the curtain of my window, just a little bit. ^^
BTW, some sort of insanity is slowly eating me up on the inside -.- It's in times like this that showing the aloof side of me would be of excellent use, though might not absolutely eradicate the problem. :O
P.S. Ninnart, here's for you:
:O :O :O :O :O :O :O :O :O :O :O :O :O :O :O :O