i walk alone
i walk alone.

im so sad, i just lost something very very precious to me yesterday. )): tried my best never to lose it since i was in indo, keeping it safely in my jeans pocket. then i dont know why i made that blunder of tying it to my bag beside the gorilla and bunny using that ribbon from valentine's day. the ribbon came out loose and of course i should've figured that out earlier. and i lost that something so precious to me. ):

i miss alfinxa.

just now talked to david about a certain someone. i shouldn't have admitted something :X but well, too late to regret it now. ): lol . in retrospect, i became uncertain about how true what i told david just now about my feelings to a certain someone. now i think i don't like him. which is wayyyyyy gooooooood. haha.

became so damn addicted to restaurant city. x) who has cheese ? hees.

this is long, i blogged this part of the post for myself and if don't wanna read it is fine. it's for the sake of myself.
my 200th post . and now that i have some time before i go to bed, let me talk about what happen since last thursday.
thursday,
went home late because stayed back to ask mr.yeo questions with maruay, annabel and benedict. during dinner with my maid, she told me to come home straight after school the next day. scolded her for being controlling. then my daddy called me and say to call home straight aftere my paper tmr. sense that something is wrong that night and totally had no mood to study.
friday,
physics paper1 which i totally screwed and turn my mood upside down. had a very bad feelings that morning about my family but told my brain to throw that thought far far away and reprimanded my stupid brain not to think of that kind of thoughts. chemistry paper1 later and manage to sleep after completing it. called my maid as i was told to do so by my daddy the day before. my maid broke the news to me that has been what i was thinking that morning. so it's true ? broke into tears outside class, which totally shocked some of my friends. they accompanied me till i got into the cab. cried on my journey home and the cab driver asked me what happen. told him. he asked me to take care after i paid my fare and get down. cried for hours in my room. in the evening, my brain cant digest what happened. felt so surreal. my friends decided to accompany me to airport the next day as it was my first time going back alone.
saturday,
met up with them at tpy mrt and then we took cab to changi because my daddy wants me to reach the airport 2h early. annabel, benedict and pearlin took one cab while praisely, maruay and i took another. so funny, both the cab drivers were like racing each other. they ate breakfast in the airport while i have my first cup of coffee of the day. i checked in, bid them goodbye and went into the plane. reached pekanbaru and followed my daddy's friends' car to tembilahan. the journey was like a dream. i kept on telling myself that it doesn't feels like reality at all. reach tbh and my daddy fetch me from the vihara. i went home, saw alfinxa crawling on the floor. she's grown big! and cute as well. bathed, my grandma n daddy help look for white shirt. had my dinner. then my daddy sent me to the place. once i reached there i saw quite a lot of family members already. all in white, yeahs. later asked my cousin about all that had happened briefly. start crying again then my aunt came and say don't cry anymore. well, how to ? it was on wednesday and i only knew about it on friday. later at night drank another cup of coffee with my bro. went upstairs and accompanied some of the younger cousins to sleep. then we started playin poker and we drank tea. later went down with my cousin to drink tea again. once all th kids are asleep, stayed downstair to burn th paper. listened to my mummy, aunt and uncle talk about the nostalgic past. some of their stories were hilarious such as my inane brother getting punished for doing something very hiliarious. lol . didn't sleep the whole night because i was burning paper. till about 5.30am went up to lie down.
sunday,
woke up at 7am. went back to my mummy's restaurant to bathe and eat. waited quite a while. then went back to that place again. a lot of people came. i saw my guardian. on the last journey everyone cried. my mummy went into the car and said ' she's gone ' then i hug her. behind us all my cousins were crying. the road was congested with vehicles. the vehicles that need to go pass cant because all ouru vehicles were cutting through them. :X then reached the place. wow, i saw him, my primary school classmate. my guardian talked to me a bit too. the weather was damn hot, someone was holding umbrella for me. later he passed me a pink handkerchief.. that kinda brightened the atmosphere and my brother did somethin stupid. my brother went to pluck his goattie-.- and later my brother still hitch a ride home from his motorbike. went back home by car and listened to my mummy tell some story to my aunt, cousins and me. reach home and pray. and blahblah, too long to be described here.
monday,
went to uncle's house where my mummy was still staying at, something about having to stay there for 7 days. stayed in my maternal grandmother's room with some of the cousins and my mother was having the hours-long phone call and my cousins called ' sermon ' lols. we talked talked and then i fell asleep. woke up. went to his house with my sister, cousin and uncle to watch tthe video of the funeral. then he suddenly walked out of his room, looking like he had just woken up . sit down bsd me and pointed at the mole on my left shoulder and said he has one on the same spot too. laughed and then continue watching. my left leg muscle was strained. very painful. went home and played with alfinxa. at night, went to uncle's house again. stayed in uncle's room with albert and the rest to talk and that was one of the best time i had with my cousins. joke around and talk. such memorable night.
tuesday,
suppose to come back to singapore that morning. but my grandma disallow me to go back alone and as everyone was busy, i have to stay. took a few of alfinxa's photo. shall upload it here once i get it into the com. went to my daddy's kindergaten with my daddy and sese to enroll sese to the playgroup. she's so cute, ran to the playground and was surrounded by all the p1 kids. shyshy x) then i carry her to the swing and she got scared. lols. she climbed up the slide, and she asked me to wait or her down the slide. she slides down for me to catch. after my daddy is done with her enrollment, went to uncle's house again. went to his shop which was just next door with my brother and cousin. i was emo-ing, stood in front of his shop facing the road with my hands on my waist. then from the back he pulled my hands down and he said, dont need to stand like a wartime hero, the war is long over. that made me smile. then my cousin and i went to his table and read the little notes that is written on the sweet packaging. him and i teased my cousin about being a short little boy then later he asked for my height. he's 10 cm taller than me. lol. went back home, have lunch. then talk talk to my mummy, aunts, uncles and cousins. some of my aunts went back that day too. later went to buy some non-red clothes with my mummy and i got myself a green sleeveless with hoodies. great. went home and played with alfinxa. alfinxa cried when i made face at her. such a cute little baby. she cried many many that night. i pretended to cry and that cause her to cry. :X she's so adorable. my mummy carried her and told me that alfinxa has the same body structure as me when i was a baby too. lol.
wednesday,
took a cute picture of alfinxa which is my current handphone wallpaper. she smiled at the phone. my uncle sent me to batam and from there i took ferry to spore. i know how to come back myself actually. msged many of my friends informing them im back. lols. that night i came online and someone asked me if im sick. of course not, i'm so healthy right now. talked to him abit and upon knowing he got a B for his chem, i alr know that i manage to achieve my target of beating him in chem. lols. felt damn bad that night, so lonely i wanna cry. but unable to do so due to the frequent suppression of emotions. benedict says maybe it comes naturally then. lol. but tried writting down my feelings and seems like it helped a bit.

hopefully i can learn to express my emotion better next time. seems like an area i'm lacking at. lol. ^^

who's he ? he's the guy with green handkerchief tied on his head.

L,
girl.

p.s. i have decided to unpublish that conversation with benedict about him and annabel. ((:

♥ 3:00 AM